A young female missionary once asked me why I loved to fish. She just didn’t get it. “Worms, hooks, slimy dead fish! Why would anyone want to fish?” We were walking together down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, Scotland with a number of other fellow students from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. A group of about 40 of us had signed up for the 2003 Oxford Summer Study Program, which was a joint project of our seminary and Oxford University’s Regent’s Park College and was designed to allow seminary students the chance to study theology and church history among the Dreaming Spires of Oxford and to experience relative points of interest all over Great Britain. Part of the study program took us to the University of Edinburgh for several days of lectures and a bit of sightseeing. Our group was exploring the city centre and visiting its quaint shops and cafes. I had just emerged from the local Orvis Outfitters shop, where I arranged a fly-fishing excursion for the following morning on the River Tay, which meandered through the grounds of the castle which shared the name of the river upon which it rested in the Scottish lowlands.
“Why did I love to fish?” I asked. “It’s the anticipation.” Intrigued, she wanted me to explain. As the young missionary and I strolled along , I relished the opportunity to relive an account of an oft played out scene between my daughter, Chelsea, and me. When Chelsea was about 5 or 6, we had a game we played every other evening or so. Just after bed time, when I had tucked her in and secured the house for the night, I would creep back to the bottom of the stairway and, without warning, stomp my foot on the first step of the staircase. As I did, I would blurt out the word, “Fe!” loud enough for Chelsea to hear me. Chelsea, who knew exactly what was coming, would squeal with delight. After a second or two, I would stomp my other foot on the next step, and holler out, “Fi!” I could hear Chelsea wiggling around under her covers, searching for somewhere to hide. Another stomp and, this time drawing out the word, “Fo!” And then another quick stomp, and “Fum!” Chelsea would be breathless, jumping around on her bed, giggling madly. Two or three more stomps, and then all at once, “Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum!” Chelsea would let out a blood-curdling scream, followed by more thrashing and cackling. Then, I would sneak the rest of the way up the stairs and slip quietly along the hallway until I was just in front of her door. She knew I was coming, and the anticipation was driving her batty. After giving her a few seconds to settle down, I would beat loudly on her door and say, “Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum! I’m gonna wop Chelsea on the bum!” and then I’d rush into her room, jump on her bed, and tickle her silly.
After a minute or so, exhausted from the ordeal, I would try to catch my breath, calm her down, and bid her good night. But, all she could could do was beg, “Daddy, please, let’s do it again! Please, please, one more time? Please, Daddy, please!!!” We would laugh and hug and tickle some more, and then I’d stroke her hair, tell her how much I loved her, tell her how she was the total package and that no boy would ever be good enough for her, and then I’d kiss her good night. An evening or two later, we would reenact the madness once again. “That’s fishing,” I said, grinning stupidly. The young missionary, with tears in her eyes, and also grinning stupidly, said, “Wow! I want to learn to fish!” It’s a simple principle, but learn to create anticipation with your clients. Here are three easy steps:
1. Use an Extended Meeting Process: Have a meeting process and explain it in the first meeting. I use a 3 meeting process before I expect to do any business with a client. I explain my process in the first meeting so they’ll know what to expect, but they also understand that they will have to wait a bit for the relationship to develop. The first meeting is when I gather their personal information. The second meeting is when I give an assessment of their portfolio. The third meeting is when I share my philosophy for putting it in order. The client wants to see the process through and will keep coming back. This creates anticipation.
2. Take Time to Implement Decisions: Refuse to implement decisions in the same meeting that decisions are made. If the client likes an investment you’ve suggested, send them home to review the prospectus and sales materials and only execute the trade in a subsequent meeting. Some clients want to decide and act in the same meeting. Don’t give in to the temptation. The best relationships and the best decisions need time to mature. When clients are not forced or manipulated, they are drawn into the relationship and want to see their decisions implemented. This creates anticipation.
3. Don’t Make Follow Up Calls: Once I have met with a client on a particular decision, the ball is in their court. I don’t want to harangue them into something they may not understand yet or be ready for. While the client may be expecting a follow up, I don’t go there. The client drives the relationship and the decision making process. My job is merely to guide it. Over time, the clients learn that I am not in a hurry to make a commission or fee on their account. Those things will happen in due time. The client needs to take a leadership role in moving things forward. This keeps them comfortable and in control. And, of course, this creates anticipation.
One of the hardest things to learn as an advisor at our firm is to NOT push things. Let the meeting flow. Once I learned to quit selling and start consulting, things started happening for the better. Slow down and relax. The attitude of the advisor will have a tremendous effect on the comfort level of the client. A slower pace may be uncomfortable at first, but it pays dividends going forward.
In a society which focuses on instant gratification, it is good to allow relationships and decisions time to mature. If the anticipation is followed up with great decisions that are well thought out, the client’s sense of anticipation will be satisfied and a great relationship will develop.
Romantic courtship is now considered an “old fashioned” ideal. In fact, I wasn’t even taught the concept of courtship until my late twenties. As a result, my early romantic relationships were rushed. Within the first couple of months, I was already “playing house” with a man I barely knew. In skipping the initial “getting to know you” stage – and rushing straight for faux intimacy – I robbed myself of fully realizing all those special relationship milestones. I brushed over the electricity of the “could this be?”, and glazed over the heat of his hand the first time he touched my arm, and then later breezed past the spark of the first kiss. Those moments were never a deliberate, conscious decision to let someone into my life; they were rarely even moments at all.
Now, a woman in my early thirties, I truly grasp the importance of an honest courtship. Now I know: you will only get that first kiss once, and you want it to resonate for both people.
Excellent comment, Emily. Keep them coming! -Noel